


watching from the sidelines, this heart of mine.

by squadhanjis



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Normal High School, American Football, Angst, Best Friends, Cheerleader Dina, Cheerleaders, Dina-centric (The Last of Us), F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, High School, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Jock Ellie Williams, Not Actually Unrequited Love, POV Dina (The Last of Us), Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Slow Burn, Useless Lesbian Ellie (The Last of Us)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:55:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28703259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squadhanjis/pseuds/squadhanjis
Summary: "Ellie’s eyes are bright, her face is flushed and muddy from her fall, her hair in tangles and all over her face, but Dina doesn’t care, Dina doesn’t care about any of it, because Ellie is the most breath-taking thing she’s ever seen."A Dina-centric high school AU one-shot with football jock!Ellie and cheerleader!Dina, in their last year of high school, on the night before Ellie's big semi-finale football game, where this time, Dina's the one with all the yearning.
Relationships: Dina & Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 178





	watching from the sidelines, this heart of mine.

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys!!  
> tw // implied homophobia at one or two parts, nothing major but just in case!!!
> 
> what i should be doing is chapter eleven of my ranch hand elliedina fic 'the gentle and cursed' (which you should TOTALLy read), but instead i spent my morning thirst tweeting about ellie with abs in a letterman jacket and so now you have almost 9k words, because apparently i can't write anything without angst and immense feelings!
> 
> also i have a playlist that i listened to while writing this, so here u guys go!!:  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6CqWfJ8uxSrCoagUeKBZiU?si=KOVrO5PBSeiedQUFQYAvBQ
> 
> i hope you like this as much i liked writing it!! <3

“O- _kay,_ but like, what if I completely miss the goal, or I get tackled at the last second or-” Ellie’s face whitens, her pupils dilating, and she looks over at her best friend with a fear etched onto her face that the smaller girl can only describe as _hysterical._ “What if my pants split while I’m playing, and everyone in the stands sees my ass?”

Dina throws her head back, a cascade of laughter rushing out of her body, and poking at Ellie’s ridiculous tirade, seeping through the cracks, and letting the air out of her tensed position. Dina thinks Ellie is the funniest person she’s ever met, and one of the most skilled football players the district has ever seen, but she’s also a huge baby with a penchant for self-deprecation.

“I mean, would that be so bad? You have a _great_ ass.”

Dina’s eyes are twinkling, and she sees the redness that rises into her best friend’s cheeks, hears the stuttering that rolls off the taller girl’s tongue, the sudden tenseness in her shoulders, and she _revels_ in it. 

“I do _not-_ Ugh, you’re the worst.” Ellie goes back to her console, on her fifth attempt to kill some huge monster on her game. They’re in Ellie’s room, it hasn’t changed since middle school, and it’s their safe space. Since they were kids, every Friday after school, they’d walk home together, buy candy on the way, and pitch up in Ellie’s room, playing video games and eating their way into sugar comas. If she was being honest, Dina never really cared for video games, or those awful chewy rot-your-teeth candies that Ellie liked so much, but it didn’t matter. She just loved being with Ellie in a way she couldn’t explain. They’d been friends for years, along with Dina’s ex-boyfriend, Jesse, and he’d always joked that he was the third wheel in the trio’s friendship, that they’d grown closer than him and Ellie were, but it was always light-hearted. While Dina and Ellie were close, Ellie and Jesse were inseparable at school. Dina guesses it’s got something to do with them both being on the school’s football teams, but she had always tried not to think about it too much, especially not when being near Ellie set off tiny fires all over Dina’s body. 

Especially not when Ellie's laying on her front, button smashing her controller, with her sweater ridden up, the lines of her abs barely visible. Dina swallows, and trains her eyes on the screen.

“I take it you’re nervous. Shouldn’t you be practising for the game tomorrow?”

Ellie shrugs, but it’s stiff, and Dina pounces on it straight away.

“What was that?”

“What was what?” Ellie’s tone is light, her eyes reflecting the lights of the screen in them, but her jaw is set, and Dina isn’t convinced. She searches frantically for the remote, Ellie not paying attention, and when she finds it, the TV screen turns black just as the boss’ health bar is at it’s low, the words _R1 FOR CRITICAL HIT_ shining on the screen.

“ _What?”_ Ellie screeches, up on her knees in an instant, trying to figure out where the source of the power outage came from. She doesn’t get to, though, because Dina rugby tackles Ellie, pinning her down by her wrists into the duvet, her knees on either side of her, straddling the other girl’s body.

“You gonna tell me why you aren’t practising?” Ellie’s back arches as she tries to escape the darker haired girl's grip. She’s taller and stronger than Dina, and they both know she could easily escape from where she’s pinned, but as Dina starts attacking her sides and ribs with pokes and tickles, she’s laughing way too goofily for her own good, her smile almost splitting her face open. 

“Oh, my _God,_ oh my god-” Ellie struggles to breathe, laughter wracking her wiry body, and through strangled breaths, she breathes; “it’s Friday.”

“What was that?” Dina asks, feigning ignorance, tilting her head towards the girl pinned underneath her. Ellie’s hands wind around Dina’s smaller ones, as she yanks away the little claws from her stomach, and their laughter dies down. Ellie looks up at her best friend, a guilty smile on her face, offering a shy smile, her hands still gripping Dina’s.

“We hang out on Friday’s.”

Dina’s eyes widen, and she knows in that moment that she’s in a dangerous situation. Their faces are so close, Dina can see every individual freckle and mole on Ellie’s face, every scar, every imperfection. She can see the guilt turn to humour and the humour turn to care behind Ellie’s expression and feel the girl’s stomach between her thighs, and large hands still clinging onto her own. She wants to lean down and kiss the shit out of her best friend, and a part of her thinks Ellie wants it to, because the grip her hands are held in tightens, and she feels Ellie’s stomach tense, and so she does the only thing she can in that moment; she flings herself off from her perch on Ellie and starts pulling her coat on.

“What are you doing?” Ellie is clearly baffled, Dina going from one extreme to the other, her neck lifting to look at Dina, her body not yet catching up, still laying in the position she was caught in. She’s forgotten all about her game, and Dina’s relieved. 

“We’re going to practise. You have a football somewhere in the house, right?” Dina asks, one eyebrow raised as though it should’ve been obvious to the freckle’s girl on the bed.

“But, you-” Ellie starts, an amused smile tugging at the side of her mouth, her eyebrows furrowing.

“I what? Am the best friend you’ll ever have?” Ellie shuts up, and Dina reaches for her jacket on the back of her desk chair. “You’re damn right.”

~

It’s late, but it’s not that cold, and they’ve ditched their jackets pretty quickly on a park bench as Ellie practises her drills, Dina trying her hardest to keep up and tackle the ball from Ellie whenever she can. She manages, giving Ellie a tough time, and they’re soon tired out, laying on their coats pressed down onto the grass, just talking, the weirdness of the moment in Ellie’s bedroom sweat out from the exercise.

“So, I noticed that you didn’t say goodbye to Joel.” Dina quips, keeping her voice innocent.

“So?” Ellie’s instantly on the defensive, her knees bent, her hands resting on her stomach. She hasn’t moved her head, but Dina feels her eyes boring holes into the side of her head, so she turns onto her right side, head resting against a propped-up elbow.

“So, nothing. You just always normally do. I was just wondering.”

“Yeah, well…” Ellie closes her eyes, signalling the end of the conversation. But Dina’s not one to give up easy.

“Well, what? Is there a reason you didn’t? Are you two okay?”

Ellie opens one eye, her nose scrunching up. It’s fucking _adorable,_ but Dina keeps her cool, her face nonchalant.

“You’re not gonna give this up, are you?”

Dina smiles. “You know me too well, Williams.”

Ellie grunts then, and it’s a sound of annoyance, irritation, but Dina knows it’s not directed at her. Her hands come up to her face, her wrists pressing into her eyes, rubbing at them. Dina’s expression turns concerned, she’d guessed something was amiss, and Ellie wasn’t usually one to talk about her feelings anyway, but she hadn’t thought Ellie was actively bottling something up. Ellie rolls over then, to face Dina, her left wrist winding around her to rub the nape of her neck, her right resting on the cool grass. It’s summer, and while the air is warm, the ground beneath them is cool.

“He’s just started acting really weird with me lately.”

“Weird, how?” Dina shuffles closer to Ellie, her brows drawn forward, her lips pursed.

“He keeps… He keeps trying to set me up.” Ellie mumbles, and Dina can’t help it, she stares at Ellie for a few seconds, trying to tell if the girl is being genuine, and when she realises, she is, Dina starts cackling.

“Are you kidding me?” Her head rolls forward, her body vibrating with silent laughs, but Ellie just scoffs, incredulity clear on her face at her best friend’s reaction, and she reaches out a hand to give her a slight push, but it barely moves the smaller girl, and soon they’re both giggling.

“You don’t get it.” Ellie breathes, traces of laughter still in her voice. “He keeps trying to set me up with _Jesse._ He’s…” She takes a peek at her best friend out of the side of her eye now, and Dina knows where this is going. “He’s convinced you two broke up.”

She should’ve seen this coming.

“Huh. That’s weird.” Dina tries to keep her voice neutral, expression schooled into one of disinterest, perplexion, but instead she feels like it comes off unsure, and unconvincing.

Because Joel would be correct, they _had_ broken up, like two weeks ago. And it makes sense that Joel would know this too, seeing as he’s the coach of the boy’s football team, and his brother’s wife, Maria, was the coach of the girl’s team. Dina’s pretty sure she remembers Ellie telling her that that’s how Joel got the job when they both moved here, back in middle school.

“So, you’re not broken up? You’re still together?” Ellie’s looking up at Dina with those green eyes for the second time that evening, and Dina wants the ground to swallow her up. It’s a weird moment, because Dina knows what she _should_ say, what she wants to say, but she also gets the feeling there’s a third answer; what Ellie wants to hear, even if she doesn’t know quite what that is. But Ellie’s huge eyes are looking straight at her, into her, and Dina’s looking back. When her and Jesse had broken up, they’d agreed not to tell Ellie - well, Dina had suggested it, and Jesse just agreed to it, at least until they could find a good way to tell her. Neither of them are stupid, and Dina thinks it’s why the decision behind the break-up was so mutual; they were on autopilot, high school sweethearts who had their life mapped out for them. But they both saw the way Dina looked at Ellie, and the way Ellie looked at Dina, and then at Jesse, and then at her feet. Jesse had spouted all kinds of reasons when they’d told their families; college in the fall, the distance, his scholarship, but Dina knew the real reason wasn’t any of those things, it was a red head with freckles and a scar in her eyebrow, that carried the weight of the world in those broad shoulders, and who crumpled every time she saw Jesse and Dina kiss.

“I guess not.” It’s all she can give, and she knows it’s not enough, but Dina can’t tell her. She can’t tell her, because then things would change, and she knows it’s so _incredibly_ selfish, but she’s not ready for them to. She’s always felt drawn to Ellie, her mind racing back to the first day of middle school in the cafeteria, where she saw the little ginger string-bean stuff a ton of jerky and candy into her pockets when the lunch lady wasn’t looking, when she marched right up to her and without a word, shared her lunch with her, and where she first told Ellie that they were best friends, within half an hour of first meeting the girl. She’d felt an unexplainable link to Ellie then, joining the cheerleading team so she’d have an excuse to be at every game and every practise, pretending to like candy and video games just so she could make Ellie happy, inviting her to every high school party she went to, even if Ellie didn’t need her to, because God knows enough of their classmates loved Ellie. She’d even bitten her tongue and feigned happiness when Ellie started dating that exchange student, Cat, and for some inexplicable reason that she couldn’t even begin to navigate at the time, taken it upon herself to be the one that was there for Ellie when she had been heartbroken by said girl. Her and Jesse’s relationship had taken a hit there, and she guesses that was when he started to catch on.

“It’s getting late,” Ellie’s voice lulls her out of the spiral she’s in, and those eyes catch her attention once again, bringing her back to reality. “You staying over?”

Dina watches as Ellie starts picking herself up, eyes full of something she’s thankful it’s too dark for Ellie to see. “It’s Friday. What else would I be doing?”

“Why don’t you just tell him you’re gay, Ellie?” Dina whispers into the dark room, into Ellie’s bed, her eyes. “I’m pretty sure everyone fuckin’ knows at this point, even Maria.”

“Maria isn’t Joel.” Ellie whispers back, and Dina’s glad she can’t see the expression in Ellie’s eyes, because she’s pretty sure it’s fear, and she’s pretty sure it’s a sight that would break her.

“Joel loves the shit out of you, Ellie.” Dina reminds her gently, and against her better judgement, she shuffles in closer to the red head, whose arms instinctively stretch out to pull her in close. Dina’s nestled in between the taller girl’s arms, and she smells like sandalwood and sweat, but it’s intoxicating.

“I know.” Ellie frowns, Dina can feel the muscles in her face shift, just as she can feel the muscles in her biceps and forearms shift, tensing against Dina, surrounding her. “I’m _so_ lucky to have him.”

“Yeah, you are.” Dina’s mind flits to her own Father, and Mother, and insanely religious sister, and the thought of coming out to them brings a chill down her spine, and a shiver wracks her body.

“Whoa, are you cold?” Ellie whispers, hands instantly grabbing for more covers, Dina’s body protesting at the lack of warmth of the movement.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I was just thinking.” Ellie’s arms tentatively snake around Dina once again, and she shuffles down into the bed, their faces now in line with each other.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Dina raises an eyebrow. “Are you British now?”

Ellie grins, shrugging one shoulder. “Would it turn you on if I was?”

That earns the girl opposite a roll of her eyes, but a small laugh too, and before she can stop herself, she’s talking. “Joel would love you regardless, y’know? I feel like if you came out to him, for the next month, he’d walk around town with an _‘I Love My Lesbian Daughter’_ t-shirt.”

Ellie instantly groans, a hand coming to pinch her nose, a shit-eating grin on her face. Her upper body turns away from Dina, to look at the ceiling and laugh, but it brings their hips closer together, and Dina’s breathless.

“You’re _so_ fucking right. He actually would do that. Wow, he sucks.”

Dina laughs, her cheek resting on both of her hands, clasped together, and she clears her throat. The sound gets her best friend’s attention, her angled face turning slightly to look at the girl beside her, her body following when she sees the look in Dina’s eyes.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I’m bi, Ellie.”

She imagined coming out to Ellie, or anyone for that matter, would have been a more monumental moment in her life. There’d be a moment where the world stopped, where all she could hear was the sound of the people around her, where nothing else in the world mattered. Arguably, this lived up to it, but it didn’t, or at least, she doesn’t get to experience it, because Ellie sits up violently, her expression wide, her mouth open.

“What?” She whispers, and the sound is harsh in the silent room, not even the creaky floorboards making their usual appearance into the late night. _Thanks for that, assholes._ Dina follows suit, sitting up to face Ellie, her hands shaking, so she claps them together once again to stop them from doing so.

“You know what, uh, just forget it.” Dina mumbles, and her body twists round, attempting to bury itself back under the covers to forget this moment ever happened, but strong hands take hold of her arms, and they hold them in place, as Ellie’s vibrant eyes stare into Dina’s, searching for something that Dina’s not sure if she’ll find.

“Hey, hey, that’s _amazing.”_ Ellie whispers, and when Dina looks down, she follows her, her head tilting so she finds the girl’s dark eyes once more. Dina hasn’t seen this strong side to Ellie before, at least not off the football field, and she’s never felt Ellie grip her like this before, and she’s never seen Ellie look at her like this before, her eyes bursting with brilliance.

“I’m _so_ proud of you, Dina. Holy shit. You’re incredible.”

Dina finds herself mesmerised, as Ellie removes a hand from her arm to gently prop up her chin, eyes still looking straight into hers. Dina will never remember the moment Ellie came out to her, or rather, the whole her, Jesse, and the boy and girl football teams. It was after one of their games, when Cat was still around, and Ellie had won the last goal of the last half, the stands going crazy, Ellie their hero. Jackson High was pretty good in the way that it had a lot of spirit, especially between the clubs, and so the entire boy’s football team had been at that game, and everyone had decided to go out to celebrate after. Even a few of the girls on Dina’s cheerleading team had gone along for the ride.

Ellie and Cat had arrived a little bit later than everyone else, and Dina had had a feeling that the evening would not go well when she saw the two girls walk in together, Cat grabbing at Ellie’s hand, who instantly shimmied out of her girlfriend’s grip. She’d known when the drinks started pouring, and the laughter started flowing, that something was going to happen, Cat growing visibly more irritated and put-out at Ellie’s cool demeanour as the evening went on. Dina remembers being irritated by the forcefulness in which Cat placed her affections onto her best friend; she told everyone at school she was from the coast, where people walked around in shorts all day, a tattoo shop on every corner, a liberal utopia at its finest, where everyone could be and date whoever they wanted to, without any fear of repercussions or tradition. Things were different here, _Ellie_ was different. She wasn’t one for big fusses, or dramatics, and honestly Dina had never really understood why she’d gone for Cat in the first place, but she was gentle, and lovely, and _subtle_ , and it was everything that Dina loved about her, and everything that Cat had wanted to change. Cat had blown her fuse that night, answering the question of why they were late with the answer _because we were fucking in my car,_ and Dina swears she’s never seen Ellie look so mortified in all her life. No one cared, of course, everyone loved Ellie, and the table actually _cheered_ after the sentiment, but the slurs that came after; regardless of the fact they weren’t meant to hurt, but rather meant to incite humour, to announce Ellie as ‘one of the boys’, weighed down on the girl, and with every joke that was made, Ellie’s demeanour sank that little bit more, Dina’s heart along with it. 

Dina guesses why Ellie’s being so gentle with her now, so _lovely,_ because she is, she’s so lovely, and her lips look so lovely, and the strand of soft hair falling out of her bun is just so _lovely,_ and Dina leans forward, her forehead resting against Ellie’s, her hand at Ellie’s side, holding her up.

Ellie’s forehead is cool against Dina’s burning one, her breath fanning over Dina’s face, and it smells like sugar, and caramel, and she wants to taste it so badly that it might kill her. 

“You okay?” Ellie whispers, because this is what they do. They’ve always pushed the boundaries of friendship, always erred on a strange line unfamiliar to them both, the closeness natural to them, but it feels painful now.

Dina just buries her head in the nook of Ellie’s neck, _there’s my answer, please don’t ask me to elaborate anymore._ She doesn’t know what she’s doing, but she can feel herself doing it, as she guides Ellie to lay on top of the covers with her, Dina’s head still buried in the red-head’s shoulder, her upper body draped across Ellie’s, her left leg in the middle of Ellie’s thin ones.

Ellie just holds her, because she knows it’s what Dina needs, and Dina’s not an idiot, she knows there’s something between them, and that there always has been, and she knows that she’s probably hurting Ellie right now, but she can’t help it. Her break-up was only two weeks ago, but to her, it feels like a lifetime. Dina clocked out of it a long time ago, and while Jesse will always be dear to her heart, she knows she was a mess for the last few years they were together, and they both knew why, the reason for it pressed up beneath her, unaware.

Dina lifts herself up, and she’s hovering over Ellie, both girl’s in their tank tops and underwear, like they always are, but this time, it feels weird to be so exposed, so open, both physically and emotionally. Ellie’s hand comes up to Dina’s cheek, brushing a stray curl out of her face and tucking it behind her ear. They’re looking at each other again, and there’s something in Ellie’s eyes, and Dina _knows_ what it is, it’s yearning, and want, and when both girl’s tense up at the same time, their grips on each other growing strong, Dina feels it. Their lips find each other, their breaths mixing instantly, and Dina can’t breathe.

Ellie brings an intensity Dina didn’t know was possible, and she matches it with a fire of her own, something she didn’t know existed in herself. Dina’s fingers are clutching at the duvets beneath them, grounding her, while Ellie’s hands are in her hair, running down her arms, sending little electric currents wherever they touch. Dina catches Ellie’s lower lip between hers, and it elicits a small moan from the girl beneath her, her mouth finding its way straight back to Dina’s, kissing her both tentatively and intensely. Dina can’t fucking believe this is happening, she’s kissing her best fucking friend, the one she’s always wanted to kiss, until her best friend is tensing up, and pulling away and she doesn’t know why, so she opens her eyes, and then she _sees,_ and she wished she hadn’t, because Ellie’s pushing her away and it makes her remember what she’s done, or rather, what she hasn’t.

“Wait, you and… You’re with Jesse.” Ellie’s eyes are wide, her cheeks are flushed, and her lips are red. Dina’s brain is fried with the scent of sandalwood and soccer, and all she can do is stare at Ellie, words failing her. There’s a barrier there, a mental block that’s stopping her from speaking the words that would make everything okay, that would make both of them happier than they ever thought possible. Dina isn’t one ever stuck for words, never one to forget a move, or not to give everything her all, but this time, she’s frozen. 

“Are you fucking _kidding-”_ Ellie brings her hands up to her mouth, pulling them down on her face, almost like she’s rubbing the moment away. Dina just sits there, hands resting on her thighs, but she can’t bring herself to look away, just as the words can’t bring themself to be spoken. She hopes Ellie can see it in her eyes, but she won’t look in them. 

“I should go.” Dina whispers, she knows she’s fucked up, and humiliation is running hot through her veins, but Ellie just shakes her head.

“No, it’s too late for you to walk home, and I can’t wake Joel up. I’ll take the sofa.”

Dina goes to protest, but Ellie’s already standing, hands reaching for the blanket at the end of her bed, and she’s out of the door, leaving Dina alone in her room, numb.

“I’m sorry.”

~

When she gets up the next day and heads downstairs, Ellie’s already out, no doubt on a run or last-minute practise to clear her head, or, to avoid Dina. She can’t say she blames her, Ellie isn’t great with feelings, and she’s renowned for joining the track team during the off seasons to get them out. She’s run marathons around the school track, and Dina’s not surprised when Joel confirms her suspicions on her entrance into the kitchen.

“She went out, ‘bout an hour ago.” He looks up from his paper, a pot of freshly brewed coffee next to him on the counter. “Cup of coffee?”

She fucking detests the stuff, but she loves Joel, and he’s so similar to Ellie in that there’s certain times and moods you need to catch them in for certain conversations, so she gladly accepts one. Joel, knowing exactly what she’s doing, adds two sugars and a shit ton of milk until it doesn’t even taste like coffee and passes it to her, shaking his head, but grinning fondly, at the atrocity in her mug.

“You gonna be at the game later, Coach?” Dina asks, hands warming around the mug.

“You bet.” Joel’s voice is gruff as the mug muffles it. “You’re cheering tonight, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.” Dina breathes, taking a small sip of the sweet drink. “We’ve got practise this afternoon before the game.”

“Looks like I’ll be cheering you both on, then.” Joel says, his Texan drawl making Dina smile. He sounds so different from anyone here, and when Ellie got here, she had a small lilt to her voice that Dina had thought was fucking adorable. Dina doesn’t know much about how they found each other, only that it was at the right time, and Ellie had picked up a lot of Joel’s mannerisms, displaying them almost as her protective armour in those first few months of school. Pretty soon she got back to what she calls her ‘Born in Boston’ speech, along with her sharp tongue, and Dina loves it even more. 

“I’m uh…” The older man clears his throat. “I’m real sorry to hear about you and Jesse.”

Dina cringes, she’d been trying to put it out of her mind, especially after the events of last night, but she puts on a warm smile for Joel. “Thank you, really. I just hope Ellie doesn’t feel like she has to pick sides like we’re in a divorce.” 

The humour is clear in Dina’s voice, but Joel shifts in his stool, and the conversation from last night comes flooding back to her. _Right._ He thinks it’s Jesse that Ellie likes, and the thought amuses Dina. Even if she wasn’t in the equation, he _wasn’t_ her type, and it wasn’t because he wasn’t handsome. (Or Asian, as he often liked to joke.) She snaps out of it, her chest pulling at the image of Ellie’s face after she’d kissed her last night, and she just wants to call out to her, go outside and search for the other girl. But she also needs a shower, some food, and some time to clear her fucking head out.

She thanks Joel for the coffee, and leaves pretty quickly after that, pulling her jacket around her in preparation for the walk home. She can’t stop replaying the night before in her mind as she walks, her stomach doing somersaults every time she remembers what it felt like to have Ellie’s body pressed up underneath her, Ellie’s hands in her hair, Ellie’s mouth against hers. Dina’s infamous for having no shame, no filter, for not possessing the gene of embarrassment, but her face is hot, her stomach is fragile, and she feels like she’s just drunk her weight in coffee, rather than the half a cup she actually consumed. 

When she gets home, and washes the evening from her skin, she checks her phone and isn’t surprised when she doesn’t see a text from Ellie. Ellie texts her once or twice a day if she’s _lucky,_ the way to catch the freckled girl is through random calls, facetimes, or in Dina’s case, house visits. But she’s not in a position to do that right now, so she takes a deep breath, and starts typing out a message, deleting it, typing out another one, and deleting that one too, all of them beating around the bush, until she just bites the bullet, and hits _send._

**Me [11:46]: Hey. I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. I’m sorry.**

~

**_No New Messages._**

It was late afternoon when cheer practise ended, their routine for the evening perfected, and now she’s back here again, the pitch empty save for the girl’s team running drills and the cheerleaders in their outfits and coats slung over the top, people starting to fill in the arena.

Dina had gone back to the Captain’s house with the rest of the girls, knowing that if she hadn’t, she’d have driven herself fucking insane staring at her phone. Four years dating Jesse and she’d never once waited by the phone, one day of radio silence from Ellie, and she was practically vibrating with anxious energy.

What’s worse is that she can see Ellie’s redhead pulled up into a messy half bun, the rest down by her ears, and her bright blue and yellow football jersey reading _WILLIAMS 19,_ and Dina squints, hands on her hips as the girl runs, her strong thighs flexing the muscles from across the pitch. It does something to her, and to her chagrin, she’s not the only one.

“I’ll give it to her, she’s fucking hot. I would.” The captain muses, pulling her long blonde hair into a high ponytail, as a few of the other girls agree. Jealousy rises up in Dina’s stomach, but that jealousy is replaced by a sick feeling as one of the girl’s boyfriends’ chimes in, and she’s turning away, done with the conversation, as she helps one of her teammates with their eyeliner.

Dina can hear the cheers and the buzz from inside the locker rooms, the vents carrying the bustle from the pitch and stands through into the room. The cheerleaders are all on one side of the room, whilst the footballer players are on the other, but the two teams hoot and laugh at each other, the locker room alive with excitement and adrenaline for the upcoming game. It’s a big game, the one leading up to the semi-final, further than the school’s ever gotten before, and it’s gotten everyone hyped up. Despite the whole my-best-friend’s-ignoring-me-because-I-kissed-her, Dina’s looking forward to tonight. She knows the whole senior class is out there in those bleachers, Jesse included, along with Joel, Maria, Tommy. The cheerleader thanks her lucky stars that her parents don’t care for coming to her games, happy instead to just post the pictures of her in her outfits and trophies on their Facebook. 

Something knocks her out of her mood, her daydream, and it’s the clearing of a throat. Dina’s head snaps up and her eyes widen, as Ellie stands there, puppy dog eyes and freckles, holding out a hair band with ripped-out hair, and a mop of red hair on her head.

“Can you do my hair for me? I never do it as well as you do.”

Dina’s eyes soften, her heart hammering, and she nods, gesturing to the bench next to her. Ever the graceful one, Ellie plonks herself down on the floor, letting Dina perch on the bench as the red head nestles herself between Dina’s legs. She offers up her hairband, but Dina just laughs.

“That has like, half your head on it. Plus, I have a cuter one.”

Dina brandishes her wrist, with light blue hair ties around her wrist, the same colour as their kits. Ellie just smiles, awkwardness still lingering, but Dina thinks she’s winning her over. She gets to work, running her fingers through Ellie’s hair, through the knots, smoothening it out before she pulls it back softly into a small ponytail, the girl’s bangs falling out naturally. They’re both quiet, and Dina swears she can feel Ellie relax a little, breathe out the tension she’s carrying, and even after Dina’s finished with her hair, Ellie just sits there, her breathing growing shaky once again. Ellie rests her cheek on Dina’s knee, and Dina just leans forward cautiously, her arms coming around Ellie’s shoulder to hug her from behind. Hands instantly go up to grip Dina's arms, and Dina’s thankful she set up in the corner of the locker room, because she wouldn’t have heard it otherwise.

“I don’t wanna lose you.”

“Good.”

They go quiet again, Dina pressing a small kiss into Ellie’s shoulders, and she knows it isn’t fair, what she’s doing isn’t fair, and this moment is making her feel dizzy.

“Jesse and I broke up.”

Ellie’s whole body goes stiff then, and her head lifts from Dina’s knee, turning over her shoulder to stare at the girl behind her. Her pupils are dilated, her mouth is open, and her whole face is a picture of bewilderment.

“ _What?_ When?”

“Two weeks ago.” Dina feels so fucking guilty, and she’s pretty sure she looks it too, because a million different emotions battle across Ellie’s face, until wonder settles upon it. 

“So, last night-?” Ellie begins, but she’s cut off by a booming voice.

“Okay, girls, get out there! Team huddle on the pitch in 2!”

Ellie looks like she’s going to explode, her face in a childlike wonder as she stares at Dina, and Dina swears she’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen, and any fear she had about loving Ellie is gone, not for the last time, but in that moment, all she wants to do is kiss Ellie senseless, and she doesn’t care who sees.

Reality fucks with her, though, because one of her teammates grabs her, and drags her out of the changing rooms, leaving Dina with the rest of the cheerleaders. Girls being girls, they seize on the opportunity to crowd around Dina, all of them obviously having just spied on what just went on, and not one to shy away from the spotlight, Dina just laughs it off.

“Seems like Dina’s going to sleep with the whole football team, though, doesn’t it? Or, both teams.” The girl with the creepy boyfriend laughs, but it’s a catty sound, and it turns Dina’s insides dark instantly. “Or is your type more best friends?”

“Listen _fonferer,”_ Dina’s always been proud of her Jewish roots, but especially the Yiddish insults that have graced her vocabulary since she was old enough to learn them. Unfortunately, she doesn’t get to finish the sentiment because their coach calls them onto the pitch, and she’s plastering a dazzling smile across her expression as they get into line, running out into the light.

~

The lights are fucking dazzling, and the crowd is _huge,_ huger than Dina’s ever seen it. Winning really does get American’s in the high school spirit, and she’s spotted several of her classmates already that she’s never seen at games before. When the team had run out at the beginning of the game, they’d been met with deafening cheers, and the team had revelled in it. The water girl threw bottles at the players as they’d warmed up once again, and Ellie had taken a huge sip from hers, but not before splashing some over her face, lifting up her jersey to wipe her forehead, revealing her ripped stomach and a peek of the abs that adorned it. Dina had wolf-whistled shamelessly, her stomach doing somersaults at the show Ellie was putting on, and Ellie had just winked at her in response. She became a different person when she was on the pitch, any morsel of awkwardness or embarrassment gone from her demeanour, confidence and arrogance taking their place. Dina loves it. They hadn’t taken long to get themselves ready, and the first half is already almost over, and it’s been a tough game so far; the other team came all the way from Seattle to play here, and they’re fucking _ferocious,_ their name is even the Seattle Sharks _._ The quarterback is a girl with a braid in her hair and huge, ripped arms - she’s gorgeous, in the most frightening way. The rest of the team all have Ellie and the other girl’s beat on size, but the Jackson Bison’s are way too quick and smart to be outplayed.

Especially Ellie.

The way she moves on the football field is just unlike anything Dina’s ever seen before; she’s a line-backer, a defensive position but she plays with such ferociousness and with such a determination that Dina won’t be surprised if she gets made quarterback at college. Both teams are bringing everything they've got, but the score is still 0-0 and Dina would be lying if she said she wasn’t on the edge of her seat in the bleachers. Ellie’s had the ball a couple of times, but the Sharks play dirty, and she’s been shoved and pushed, and it’s been tackled from her. Dina knows that’s the aim of the game, but the force in which she was knocked had Dina out of her seat, shouting foul at the ref. A miracle has been bestowed on this cheating team today, a shitty referee, and a distance between them and Dina’s fucking fist. 

Tensions are high as the crowd boos yet another foul that the referee missed, and she hears Joel’s booming voice hurling curses at the field, and Jesse’s shouting encouragement at Ellie and her teammates. In fact, she’s pretty sure she can hear the whole boys’ team shout for Ellie to make them proud, and at one point she even flashes a smile, and ever tactful, the finger, eliciting hoots and cheers from the crowd, noise roaring from the stands. It makes Dina laugh, and she sees Ellie look for her amongst the cheerleader, and when they meet eyes, Dina feels her breath taken from her, the rest of the people melt away. Ellie flashes her a warm smile, one that seeps across her face, and then the ball flies past Ellie, and the moment’s gone, her best friend flying across the field to catch up to it. 

There’s thirty seconds on the clock for the first half, and Ellie’s managed to intercept the ball in her arms, sprinting with it down the field. The crowd is chanting now, the numbers taking on a life of their own, and Ellie is _so close,_ and she’s so fucking fast, that when she slows to kick the ball over the goals, no one expects the captain of the other team to slam down on Ellie as hard as she does.

“ _NO!”_ Dina screams, as Ellie crumples to the floor, the pitch silent as a scream of pain echoes throughout it, sending chills down Dina’s spine, and punching dread in her gut. Joel’s in her line of sight now, running across the field beside Maria and Tommy, and the ref blows the whistle as Joel kicks the ball out of the bounds of the pitch, and he calls that half. Usually, the cheerleader’s jump up immediately, infecting the whole field with their smiles and getting them going with their chants and dance, but no one’s moving, and everyone’s looking at Dina. She realises she’s standing; she must’ve stood up as she screamed, but she doesn’t care. Tommy and Joel are on either side of Ellie, helping her up, and she’s limping, Maria talking to her, holding her face, making sure she’s conscious.

Ellie weakly holds up a thumbs up, and erupts into a coughing fit, the air rushing back into her lungs, and Dina all-but-collapses back onto the bench, relief flooding her whole body. They sit her down on the bench and she rolls her ankle around, and Dina knows she’s going to be okay. The other cheerleaders, all of them having seen enough injuries on the football field to know that it’s not serious, and they all jump up, with added enthusiasm in their steps, and the next few minutes are a blur. The team huddles around Ellie, and Dina pushes it out of her mind, putting on the best damn show this school has ever seen. Honestly, she curses that she chose this game to fly for the first time, and she takes half a steadying breath as she slots her foot in her team’s locked hands, but when she’s flown up into the air, it’s a rush, and it propels her to give her all for the rest of the routine. Dina’s back is turned to Ellie and the rest of the Bison's for the routine, so she makes sure to give them an extra something when she shakes her hips and judging from the cat calls, and the sound of Ellie’s name in different voices, she guesses it works. 

She spots Jesse in the crowd, and he’s smiling, laughing along with the song that’s playing, and chanting along with the rest of the stands, and she’s not close enough to see that flicker of understanding in his eyes, so she chooses not to. The applause that erupts from the crowd blows Dina away, and when she turns round, she marvels at the cause of it, in disbelief; Ellie standing, testing out the weight on her ankle, and her teammate pouring water on her face, the freckles girl rubbing it over her skin to cool her down. Soon, she’s running with a murderous expression on her face, and Dina knows this means war. 

“Fucking hell.” She hears someone behind her mutter, and it brings a grin on her face. Damn straight, that’s her girl up there. _Her girl._

This half starts just as ferociously as the last one ended, the Bison’s are _angry,_ and they’re taking no prisoners. Dina doesn’t know what kind of pep talk it was that Maria gave them, but she knows that Ellie is literally the sweetheart of the team, and she’s not the only one ready to murder anyone who hurts her. She’s probably just the only one who actually would, bar Joel of course. The Sharks score pretty early on, Ellie’s ankle clearly took more of a hit than she’s letting on as one of the other teams manages to intercept the ball before it reaches their goal post as she kicks it. If anyone thought that would hold Ellie back, they’d be sorely mistaken, because Dina knows her tells, and she knows it’s only driving her on even more, her teeth clenched, her brows furrowed, her jaw flexing. It’s a miracle the quarterback of the other team, _ANDERSON 20,_ isn’t sent off the pitch for foul play, those tackles aren’t legal, nor is the force in which she performs them with, and the rest of her team are just as bad. The Bison’s respond with dignity though, never once stooping to foul play, but they don’t play nice. They manage to catch up score-wise by the halfway point, even with Ellie hanging back a bit, but it’s not long again before there’s only a few minutes left on the clock, and its neck and neck.

“Fuck, fuck, _fuck,_ c’mon, Williams.” Dina whispers to herself, her fingers interlocked, her hands on her face, her forefingers pinching her nose. At one point she thinks that the Bison quarterback is going to score, but she gets tackled at the last second by a girl with short black hair, _MCINTOSH 13,_ and it’s back to a tie. A minute on the block, the score 3-3, and Dina wants to run onto the field herself, and physically drag Ellie across the touchdown line. The red head’s clearly holding back, waiting for that last second, and when it comes, she fucking _flies._ She’s running shoulder-to-shoulder against the Shark quarterback, the bigger girl trying to shove her out of the way, but Ellie lets loose, leaping a few steps and turning on her heels, manoeuvring the ball out of the girl’s hands. Dumbfounded, Anderson falters for only a second, but it’s one too many, and she’s flailing trying to snatch the ball back, but Ellie’s left behind dust already, sprinting down the field with twenty seconds left on the clock, the crowd screaming at her.

She runs, and Dina can see the pain in her eyes, her ankle clearly hurting her; she’s going to give the girl a piece of her mind after the game, but for now she screams Ellie’s name, screams with every shred of anxiety and doubt, and fear she’s harboured the last few years, the last few _days,_ and she screams with every fibre of her being. Ellie hears her, Ellie _feels_ her, because she’s zooming down the pitch, dodging and evading every incoming tackle and assault, outrunning any Shark coming her way, and when she hits the ball across the vertical lines, when she gets that touchdown, the crowd fucking _roars._

Dina’s swept away with it, people are up in their seats, screams and cries of joy are echoing not just through the stands, but the pitch, and the surrounding fields too. Dina’s heart feels like it’s about to burst, and not just from the atmosphere around her, but from the way Ellie’s face fucking lights up, and from the way her teammates instantly crowd around her, lifting her up to surf along their hands. The Seattle team are sore fucking losers, their faces like thunder, and the people of Jackson take _glee_ in it, booing them off the pitch. Immature, maybe, but it’s a miracle the Shark captain didn’t break Ellie’s fucking ribs. The cheerleaders are leaping and bounding again now, jumping onto the high spirits, but Dina’s running. She’s running towards Ellie, who’s been pulled about in the air, her shirt riding up and once again showing off her abdomen, the tight muscles flexing as she turns to face an incoming Dina.

Ellie’s captain spots Dina, and laughs, ordering the girls to put her down gently, and Ellie’s laughing, brushing herself off as Dina gets closer to her. Ellie’s eyes are bright, her face is flushed and muddy from her fall, her hair in tangles and all over her face, but Dina doesn’t care, Dina doesn’t care about any of it, because Ellie is the most breath-taking thing she’s ever seen. Freckled arms are outstretched, but Dina doesn’t greet them; she throws herself at them, her arms wrapping tightly around Ellie’s neck, her muscular thighs leaping up to wrap around Ellie’s middle, and her lips crash against the girl beneath her. Hands come out to steady Ellie, Dina definitely should’ve been more careful with that ankle, but Ellie hands instantly snake around Dina’s body to keep her in the air, and one hand slyly slides down to cup Dina’s thigh under her skirt.

Dina swears the chanting gets louder, because a female jock is kissing her girlfriend after she won the semi-final game, and Dina’s pretty sure that kinda stuff only happens in shitty teen shows, but she’s not complaining. She’ll take her moment, and she’ll savour it. She’s still smothering Ellie with kisses, the rest of the team dancing with the cheerleaders, and the stands all still clapping, cheering, some of them getting up to leave to get home, or to whatever after party they have happened, but the two girls are interrupted by a clearing of a throat.

They break apart, Ellie still with her hands cupped under Dina’s thighs, supporting her up as they’re wrapped around her torso, Dina still with her arms curled around Ellie’s neck, but they separate instantly when Jesse and Joel stand before them.

“I guess it was never Jesse you were into then.” It’s the first thing Joel says, and it eases some of the tension, because even Jesse himself is laughing, albeit awkwardly.

“Listen-” Ellie starts, but Jesse holds his hand up, stopping her mid-sentence.

“I don’t care, just go back in there and get dressed, we’ve got a party to get to, a victory to celebrate.” Ellie nods, and turns to leave in the direction of the locker rooms, lord knows she has more of a clean-up job than Dina. Before she leaves though, she turns round, a faint blush underneath freckles, a determined look in her eye, and she presses a quick kiss to Dina’s cheek, darting towards the locker rooms after.

The three of them chuckle at her innocence, and Dina puts a hand on her hip, she knows it’s not her turn to speak. Joel goes to make his leave, but Dina is blown away by how much he resembles Ellie, or rather, how much she resembles him in her behaviour, because he turns round and pulls Dina into a hug. Dina’s never seen Joel hug anyone but Ellie, and even then, both of them stumbled around it, mumbling awkward nonsense. This is a bear hug, and Dina welcomes it, appreciating it more than words could ever express. The older man pulls away, patting Jesse on the back, and turns to his family, leaving the two of them alone.

“So…” Dina starts, and Jesse says the same, causing them both to chuckle.

“We cool?” She asks, her eyebrows raised in genuine concern. They might not be together anymore, but the last thing she’d ever want to do is hurt him.

He nods. “We’re cool. Now, can you get your girlfriend to the party please?”

Dina just rolls her eyes. “No promises.” 

~

They haven’t been here long, but the game finished late, and the vibe at the party has slowed. A bunch of them are outside still playing beer bong, a game that Jesse had roped Ellie into playing, getting her subsequently wasted as a result, and they’re in the living room now, dancing to a song Dina’s sure she’s heard before. Ellie’s arms are ensnared around her hips, her red head on her shoulder, freckled nose tickling against the curls behind Dina’s ear. It’s a funny sight, because of how much taller Ellie is than Dina, but the darker haired girl feels like it’s the most natural thing in the world. She’s slow dancing with her best friend, her best friend who she cares for more than anything in the world, and her friend is whispering sweet nothings into her ear, pressing gentle kisses behind them, sending goosebumps up the nape of her neck. 

Ellie had changed into a new set of clothes once she’d come out of the changing room, swapping the electric blue and yellow jersey for a fitted grey t-shirt, black jeans, and chuck Taylors, donned with her letterman jacket. Dina had stayed in her cheerleading costume, as had the other girls, and it hadn’t been long before Ellie had shyly held out her letterman to Dina, gently fitting it over the smaller girl’s shoulders. She’s still got it on now, her arms in the sleeves, _WILLIAMS_ on her back, and she thinks Ellie almost wanted that, for everyone to know they were a couple, in the most Ellie way. She’s not good at talking about her feelings, but Dina’s learning her love language, in the small things, the small moments. 

This is one of them, as Dina throws her head back and laughs at something Ellie slurs into her ear, she tilts her head to look down at a freckled face, and it’s looking back up at her with love.

“So, I guess now I’ve got the jacket, when I go off to college, I’ll be wearing it every day.”

“ _Hey.”_ Ellie scrunches her nose. “Who said it’s yours now?”

“Don’t the girlfriends always steal the jock’s jacket?” Dina asks, and Ellie’s head snaps up, her expression wild. For a second, just a second, Dina thinks she’s fucked up, that she assumed, and she assumed _wrong,_ but then Ellie’s smiling, a full toothy grin, and Dina’s heart is soaring again.

“You’re my girlfriend?” The taller girl asks, and they’re not really swaying to the song anymore, and Ellie’s hands aren’t resting on Dina’s hips, but circling around her ribs, pulling her closer to her.

“If that’s what you want.” Dina’s forehead comes to rest against Ellie’s again, her hands gently taking Ellie’s face in them, rubbing circles with her thumbs across her jawline. She catches Ellie’s lips in a soft kiss, and another, and another, until she’s drowning in Ellie, and only Ellie, until the other girl pulls back, breathless. 

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” Her face is shy, almost guilty, but Dina’s heart skips a beat when she sees the expression in her girlfriend’s eyes. There’s so much left unsaid between them, so much left to talk about. Graduation, parents, _college._ But right now, she’s in Ellie’s arms, in this moment.

“Me too.” She could stay here forever.


End file.
